A raft of politics


We're on a raft hurtling towards a waterfall. The Conservatives, Labour, and Liberal Democrats have no interest in trying to stop the raft falling over the edge.

…Well, they're open to the idea, but it's far more important to ensure that the oars are in the right position. Yes, we can try to slow or reverse the course towards the waterfall, but we have to make sure we don't disturb the oars too much! Of course, all 3 parties want the oars in a slightly different spot, and insist that moving the oars would be disastrous.

Meanwhile in England and Wales, the Greens want to escape the waterfall, but no-one listens to them because they have nothing serious to say about the position of the oars. Most of them agree that we shouldn't throw some people over the side of the raft, but there are a few who say it's a matter of grave seriousness and morality that we must throw some people over the side; most of the others aren't interested in disagreeing or stopping them, because we're hurtling towards a waterfall.

The Conservatives will happily throw some people over the side of the raft, because they deserve it, and anyway I would never be one of those people. More room on the definitely-not-doomed raft for the good ones! The Labour party say it's absurd to suggest throwing people any less than 78% of the way off the raft, and anyway the Conservatives aren't doing a very good job of throwing them. (And don't forget where they put those oars! Ludicrous to trust them with the oars.)

The SNP reckon that splitting the raft into 2 smaller rafts will somehow avert the waterfall. The Reform party say the river is made up.